I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
