Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
