My first STD was from a foam party
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you didnt know i had herpes?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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