so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
