I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
