the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
