So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
