Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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