I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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