you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
