I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
