I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
