i will never coherently bang her
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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