i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
