Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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