if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
