I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
