i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
