It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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