Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
