your thong is hanging out like whoa
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
