Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
