I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
