Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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