Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We smell like vodka and hangover
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