sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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