why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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