The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the day after is always just damage control
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
