Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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