I just cut my nipple shaving
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't deserve a penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
