I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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