U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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