hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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