thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
