I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
