I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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