could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
