Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
