I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
