Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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