so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
