Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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