some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We are all done wearing pants today
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
