Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
