JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
