every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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