let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
