I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
