You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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