Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
