And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
