planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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