If i come over, it means nothing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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