When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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