you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
