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• (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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• (914): View more from New York

  Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

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• (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

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• (850): View more from Florida

  And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh 

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• (509): View more from Washington

  He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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• (916): View more from California

  I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  Mother of the Year

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?

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• (310): View more from California

  I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.

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• (831): View more from California

  Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?

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