i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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