My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
