You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
