ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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