I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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