how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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