I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The air was thick with penises
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
