YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
